Today is my birthday, but I don’t celebrate much anymore. I’m in between the joy of being another year older you gain when you’re young and are desperate to reach all the milestones set ahead of you and whatever feeling accompanies the milestone birthdays as you age. I’m not 16, nor am I 60. At 45 I am right in the middle of everything and maybe that’s why I don’t see it as a particularly celebratory occasion?
I don’t want that to sound as if I’m unhappy (and text without emotion and facial expression is often misinterpreted) because I’m not. I’m happier than I ever understood I could be. I have so many things to be thankful for in my life that any list would be woefully short and inevitably I would forget something important (isn’t that a sign of getting old?). My family is healthy and happy. We have a wonderful home in a nice area with good schools. I have some success with work and such a myriad set of hobbies I can’t keep up with them all.
Maybe that gets to the crux of what I’m feeling today. It’s not so much a celebration as another distance marker. A warning if you will. Today is a great reminder that every day should be special. I have often said there are not enough hours in the day. I have, for the most part, said that in the context of another day with long hours at the office and a list of things I need to finish at the house, but the heart of the matter isn’t that at all. When I say that I think, “45 already? How the hell did that happen? I have so many things I want to do. I have so many things I want to share with my daughter. I have so many places I’d like to travel to with my wife… I’m going to run out of time if I’m not using every single day to the fullest!”
I am so grateful for all the good in my life. I’m thrilled to share that with my friends and family. I’m fine with being 45 – I’m right in the middle of all the things! I have a lot going on. I can’t wait to do more, be more and share more. There are so many places, people, things out there I’ll never get to them all – but I’m sure going to try. So in that sense, yeah – it’s a happy birthday.