As a writer one comes to understand that the words laid out may, or may not, find a home. Sometimes the moment of inspiration that hits amuses or delights you but fails to connect with anyone else. It happens. Keep writing, keep putting words together and hoping to not just turn them into salad.

Some time ago I saw a call for submissions to a ‘course catalog’ for a horror based university. As stated above, it amused me and I had sudden inspiration. My submission was rejected (without any real notice) and that’s just fine.

I was bumping around that aforementioned debris pile that is my notes on writing and found that submission. It’s never going to be publishable anywhere else – so I’ll drop it out for you here. Hopefully you’ll find them amusing too.

From the course catalog:

Established in 1613 by academic and occult pioneer, as well as failed vintner, Fenrick Oglebutt, through trans-chronological fallacies and a lust for knowledge, Nafallen University has become one of the foremost centers of learning on all matters from the mundane to the mythic.

Located in beautifully desiccated Crisp, Texas, Nafallen University is dedicated to bringing its students the best in education, career opportunities, and fulfilling student lives from any university in current existence.

Nafallen University offers a hands-on and practical approach to education, with in-person, virtual, and astral courses offered at all levels of degree tracks.

Within this tome, enterprising students who wish to expand their minds and power will find courses offered for the current semester. Course descriptions are provided by the professors themselves, ensuring an honest appraisal of the material.

Here are the courses I submitted. I think they would have been a fine addition.

School of Architecture

ARC 212 – MASONRY II

PREREQUISITE: Poe; Amontillado

Gain additional skills and practical knowledge of masonry wall systems. Active interpretations of heat applied flashing, mortar selection and weep vent installation. Gain knowledge of residential construction inspection timing, effects of climate on drying time and STC (sound transmission classification).

Purchase of additional materials may be required.

ARC 135 – ARCHITECTURAL DESIGN AND GRAPHICS

Explore the fundamental issues of spaces, perception of spaces, scale and habitation. Emphasis is placed on ordering principles, pattern recognition and figure ground relationships. Build on graphical representation with an emphasis on observational symbology, aesthetic color choices and drawing presentation.

STR 301 – ADVANCED STRUCTURAL SYSTEMS: ALLOWABLE STRESS DESIGN

Prerequisite: Euclidean Geometry, Plasticity

Combine classical thermodynamics with plasticity and high yield functions. Allow the numbers to flow and discover numerical dissipation and pliability factors. Blocking, buckling, transient and steady state response combined with temperature creep. Emphasis on temporal stability and consistency. Galerkin meshfree imposition of boundaries and domain limits explored. Calculate how much your structure may flex under varied circumstances.