Yesterday was Father’s Day. As terrible as Mother’s Day was, yesterday wasn’t bad. We got to see my father. We got to eat some good food (they grilled steak and had corn on the cob and potato salad). We got to play cards and laugh while we played. It was a lot of fun but that was really the extent of it.

I think I wanted more. Part of the issue was me not for anything. Not asking for anything to be done or gifted or anything. We got back from seeing my father my daughter essentially disappeared into her room. I didn’t see her again that day. Disappointing, but not the end of the world. I get to see her again today and have dinner together.

I was talking things through with a women I’ve recently met. Her husband passed away recently. In much the same way that Mother’s Day was rotten in our house, Father’s day was extremely difficult at her house. She said a solid cry is always good for you. I think I’ve done quite enough of that without the help of the media or marketing. While I intellectually understood how it was before, I viscerally know now that not everybody enjoys every holiday the same way. Intellectually understanding and knowing are two very different things.

I have always tried to be respectful of others on holidays for that reason. I’m not offended by the holidays of others and expect that not everyone celebrates like I do. Something that has bothered me lately is general push of “special day” related crap. I guess the right word is marketing. I haven’t paid it much attention in the past. Marketers and salespeople work (generally) with the assumption that this holiday simply applies to all. This is nominally true, but individual cases may vary.

Case in point ~ my daughter is a much better person than I am. As she was out shopping a number of people accosted her (accosted is a strong word a number of sales people endeavored to get her attention to get her to come in and spend her money) and their sales tactic was, “Don’t you want to do these things for your mom?”. Well yes she would love to be able to do those things for her mom but that’s not our situation anymore. It was really crushing to her. If it were me, I would have answered, “I’d love to but she just died”. She is not that person. She’s clearly a better person than I am because she was not mean. She did not lash out. She kept it all to herself and the salespeople went about their day without having that negative interaction.

The point is try to be a little bit thoughtful about how you approach things with people. Your point of view may vary. It matters. Little gestures can make a world of difference. Try to take care of other. Do the best you can and enjoy whatever holiday works for you – even if it’s one you make up.